Losing Control
by eveningstar1996
Summary: Dimitri's POV when he's in the hotel room with Rose during Last Sacrifice. RATED M. One-shot.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Vampire Academy.

**Warning: M FOR SEXUAL CONTENT**

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Losing Control

"She was right about something else too," I said.

"What's that?" Rose asked, sounding curious. She looked up at me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes.

"That I do still love you," I admitted, forcing myself to not look at her.

I had _always_ loved her. When I had been turned into a Strigoi, my love for her had become very twisted, but I suspected deep down, it was still there. I had denied my feelings for her when I was restored because I didn't believe anyone could love me when I was incapable of loving anyone in return.

Silence hung in the air between us, and I was starting to regret - just a little bit - I had told her that. Had she really begun to love Adrian like she'd said at the Mastranos'? She had always said she loved me…but this would complicate things with her and Adrian. Maybe she really had moved on.

"Since…since when?" Rose finally asked, her voice full of shock.

"Since…forever," I answered. "I denied it when I was restored. I had no room for anything else in my heart except guilt. I especially felt guilty about you – what I'd done – and I pushed you away. I put up a wall to keep you safe. It worked for a while – until my heart finally started accepting other emotions. And it all came back. Everything I felt for you. It had never left; it was just hidden from me until I was ready. And again…that alley was the turning point. I looked at you…saw your goodness, your hope, and your faith. Those are what make you beautiful. So, so beautiful."

"So it wasn't my hair," she said. Was it really time to make jokes, when we were discussing something so serious?

"No," I murmured. "Your hair was beautiful too. All of you. You were amazing when we first met, and somehow, inexplicably, you've come even farther. You've always been pure, raw energy, and now you control it. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and I'm glad to have had that love for you in my life. I regret losing it." Why didn't I accept her love when I came back? _We might've been happy together, just like before the rescue attempt in the caves that changed everything_. I would always cherish when we had both loved each other.

I continued. "I would give anything – anything – in the world to go back and change history. To run into your arms after Lissa brought me back. To have a life with you. It's too late, of course, but I've accepted it."

"Why…why is it too late?" she asked. I couldn't help but wonder what she was feeling, now that I had confessed everything about how I loved her.

"Because of Adrian. Because you've moved on. No, listen," I said, cutting her off when I saw her open her mouth to protest. Sadness filled me. It was just as bad as the remorse and guilt I'd felt after being restored. "You were right to do that after how I treated you. And more than anything else, I want you to be happy once we clear your name and get Jill recognized. You said yourself that Adrian makes you happy. You said you love me."

"But…you just said you love me. That you want to be with me," Rose said, her voice full of an emotion I couldn't understand.

"And I told you: I'm not going to pursue another man's girlfriend. You want to talk honor? There it is in its purest form." There was nothing in the world that would make me go after another man's girlfriend. Even if it was Roza, the love of my life. It wasn't right. It was bad enough that I already loved her when she belonged to someone else.

She walked towards me, and I could feel the tension between us building. What was she planning to say to me? Her beauty and goodness seemed to shine through as she walked towards me.

How could I have ignored my love for her? Although I would never be with her again, I would always love her from afar. It was what was best for us. It would be the closest I would ever get to being with her.

I just hoped that Adrian would cherish and look after her, now that I couldn't do that anymore. He had to treasure her.

Roza was standing in front of me now, and our eyes met. The electricity in the air around us seemed to grow. She placed her hands on my chest, and my heart raced at her touch. I felt warm all over. How could her touch still spark these feelings within me, even though she no longer loved me? I caught hold of her wrists, but didn't push her away. _No, you _must_ have self-control. She is Adrian's now_, I told myself. _You can't be the one who causes a rift between them_.

"You should have told me," she murmured, her voice low. "You should have told me this a long time ago. I love you. I've never stopped loving you. You have to know that."

My breath caught at her words. She still loved me, but that couldn't change anything between us. Happiness at her words and my sense of honor, telling me that this was wrong, warred against each other. This wasn't right. I couldn't just tell her I loved her, and think that everything would be alright. She was still with Adrian.

"It wouldn't have made any difference. Not with Adrian involved," I said, tightening my fingers around her hand, but feeling unable to push her away. "I meant it. I won't be that guy, Rose. I won't be that man who takes someone else's woman. Now, please. Let go. Don't make this any more difficult."

Rose ignored my request, and instead ran her fingers against my chest. I shivered a little at her touch. Her touch was so wrong…and yet, how could it feel so right? "I don't belong to him," she murmured. "I don't belong to anyone. I make my own choices."

"And you're with Adrian," I reminded her, trying to keep my head straight with her close proximity.

"But I was meant for you."

All our restraints slipped away, and Rose kissed me. I picked her up and took her to the bed, kissing her the whole time. I slid my hand down to her hip and along her leg. I wanted her, in every way. I wanted her emotionally...and physically. We kissed very passionately, and I felt her fingernails dig into my back a little.

I stopped kissing her and pulled away for a moment. "We shouldn't do this," I murmured, trying to fight my desire with the last remnants of self-control I had.

Rose pulled me down to her, and we started kissing again. I slid her tattered dress up over her head, and I was struck by how beautiful and perfect her body was. I drank in the sight of her perfect body before I tossed the dress off to the side, and crushed my lips eagerly against hers. She pulled away from my lips and kissed up my neck and back up to my lips. Soon the rest of our clothes lay on the ground.

She dragged her hands down my chest, and I sighed in pleasure. "Roza," I whispered.

I kissed her lips, and my tongue darted out against her lips. She opened her mouth a little and our tongues were soon playing against each other's. I trailed a kiss down to her neck, and she sighed when I brushed my lips over a sensitive spot. I kissed down to her shoulder and then down to the area between her breasts. Her skin felt so smooth and silky under my hands.

I entered her, and stopped when she gasped and gripped my back very tightly. She felt so warm and wet inside. When she looked at me and softly kissed me, I knew that she was ready.

I slowly started moving inside her, trying to be gentle, and she pushed against me. She moved her hips eagerly against me, and I thrust deeper into her. She was soon shoving her hips even harder into me, and I slammed into her a little rougher. I increased my pace, and she moaned. She continued moaning, getting louder, and I sped up my pace. I kissed her, absorbing her cries of pleasure into my mouth. My blood burned with love and desire for her.

I felt her tighten up around me, and she cried out my name before she fell over the edge. My release came just moments after her, and we fell into sweet bliss together. We both collapsed back onto the bed, spent from all our love-making, but we held each other close. The distance we had been trying to keep between us for too long was gone. There was absolutely nothing separating us from each other at the moment.

Rose closed her eyes, a dreamy look on her face. "I'm glad you gave in. I'm glad your self-control isn't as strong as mine."

I laughed. She indeed had learned self-control, but she wasn't completely there yet. "Roza, my self-control is ten times stronger than yours."

"Oh yeah? That's not the impression I just got," she said, smiling quite naughtily up at me as she brushed my hair away from my face.

I smiled and kissed her cheek. This was utter bliss - being with my Roza. Everything felt right with the world.


End file.
